| Wax the ceiling | Rearrange political campaign signs |
| Sharpen your teeth | Play Houdini with one of your siblings |
| Braid your dog's hair | Clean and polish your belly button |
| Water your dog...see if he grows | Wash a tree |
| Knight yourself | Name your child Edsel |
| Scare Stephen King | Give your cat a mohawk |
| Purr | Mow your carpet |
| Play Pat Boone records backwards | Vacuum your lawn |
| Whine | Rake your carpet |
| Re-elect Richard Nixon | Critique "Three's Company" |
| Listen to a painting | Play with matches |
| Buff your cat | Race ferrets |
| Paint your house...Day-Glo Orange | Have a formal dinner at White Castle |
| Read Homer in the original Greek | Change your mind |
| Learn Greek | Change it back |
| Watch the sun...see if it moves | Stand on your head |
| Build a pyramid | Stand on someone else's head |
| Spit shine your Nikes | See how long you can stay awake |
| Paint your teeth | See how long you can sleep |
| Wear a salad | Speak with a forked tongue |
| Get your dog braces | Shave a shrub |
| Have a proton fight | Watch a car rust |
| Quiver | Rotate your carpet |
| Learn to type...with your toes | Set up your Christmas tree in April |
| Buy the Brooklyn Bridge | Be someone special |
| Mail it to a friend | Go back to square one |
| Factor your social security number | Take the fifth |
Memorize a series of random numbers | Read the 1962 Des Moines white pages | |
| Join the Foreign Legion | Learn Sanskrit |
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